Our youngest one was in his second grade and the time had come for him to find out FOR SURE the answer to one of the most important questions. He looked straight into my eyes and said: “It’s a yes-or-no answer, Mom. I do not need a long explanation of your beliefs and world views this time. I just need a straight yes-or-no answer. YES or NO is the only answer I am going to accept, Mom: does Santa Claus exist?” My heart sunk, as I contemplated my not so many options. No, no, no, I was not going to rush this one. Plus, it was late at night. Plus, the next day was a school day, with an early start for everyone and we all needed a good night’s sleep. I also knew that I had managed to avoid the yes/no answer to this question for a looong time. Well, not quite avoid, just not really answer directly. Oh, well, I guess, that qualifies as avoiding after all. Anyhow, I was desperately trying to come up with a way out of this, and the longer the pause, the bluer my boy’s big eyes grew. And more determined. And filled with sadness that comes with knowing. Knowing before knowing. And it was unavoidable. I had to say something. And it better be “the harsh yes-or-no truth.” I started slowly: ”In my opinion…” “MOOOM!!! Stop! It is a yes-or-no answer! Please!” He was close to tears. And so was I. It felt like the childhood of my youngest child was ending right then and there, in front of my eyes. And that I was the chosen one to end it with this truthful yes-or-no answer. I took a deep breath and said: ”.. Let’s go outside!”, hoping against hope that the change of space was going to somehow grant me the escape from the inescapable.

The air was fresh and cold. It was dark, and we could see the stars and the tiny shiny slice of the Moon while the rest of the Moon was visible only faintly. It’s sometimes called the Earthshine or Da Vinci glow (as Da Vinci apparently was the first one to have explained that dull glow lighting up the unlit part of the Moon). We both took a couple of deep breaths… and at that moment I knew that I was going to get through this with the help of that shiny sliver of the Moon, hanging so innocently and effortlessly above us. I hugged my child and proceeded: “Do you see the Moon?” After the grunt that indicated an affirmative answer, I was encouraged: ”What shape is it?”  “MOTHER, it is a waxing crescent moon, and we just covered it at school, I know my stuff, why are you asking me this?” “Well, what is the shape of the Moon?” “MOTHER!!! I know my material- it is round of course, but what you see depends… on the four primary and four intermediary phases of the moon, and the place you stand and…enough!!! ENOUGH! Why can’t you answer my question? So, YES or NO?”

So yes, yes, yes, it is round, and yes, we can see only a small part of it – exactly, my child – you are able to see just a bit of what really is there, and it always depends  (like you just said!) on where you stand… It is the same with that Santa Claus – there is a part you see and then there is a part that you know. You know in your heart of hearts that miracles, kindness, wonders, love, beautiful coincidences, and surprises exist even if you do not see them every single minute of your life – they exist, you know it, just like you know that the Moon is round and whole even when you only see a small visible part of it.

I was relieved that I had managed to get over yet another hurdle in the wide world of impossible answers till I tucked him in later. Two little hands drew me close, hugged me and a small, sad and tired voice said: “That means that (sigh) the Tooth Fairy, and (sigh) the Easter Bunny don’t exist either…, but (sigh) don’t worry about me, mom. I still love you. You exist! And I know, I know, I know –  the miracles exist (yawn…) Good night.”

Right now our world looks like a place that could use some love, and we (ourselves) could use some love too, to paraphrase Sharon Salzberg, author and meditation practice teacher. Some days part of me feels lost and not present, wandering in fear and in confusion, misinformation and overwhelming information. I am a lucky one – I have my Let It Go Yoga practice and my books, my meditation practice and early morning socially distanced walks with my dear friends, and my family to turn to in these times of turmoil. And I am aware that it is not an easy time for anyone, and I have to keep reminding myself that we are all connected. It is my job to nudge my friends to try Let It Go Yoga and meditations, and looking at the Moon as part of their routine to sanity, wellness and wholeness. The Moon  – be it whole, half, new, crescent, waxing, gibbous, waning or anything in between –  reminds us to remind ourselves that no matter what we (think we) see or what we perceive or what phase we are in, we ARE whole. I believe that meditations and Let It Go Yoga practice eventually bring us to that very same place, too. The ripples of that wholeness extend and reach people and places obscured to our immediate view and understanding.

There is a reliable rhythm in the cycles of the Moon and a reliable reminder. Look at it!

Yes, you are whole. I am whole.

We are whole.

And we shall see what’s next  – Moonlight meditation practice and Let It Go yoga, anyone?

Written by Indra Strong, Certified Let It Go Yoga teacher. Photo by Liam Strong.

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